The BFP (Big Fat Positive!!!!!)

**I am currently 12 weeks**

Well, it finally happened! We are pregnant! I’ve been trying to plan for my blog posts to align with when I am telling everyone. Some of my Twitter followers already know this news, but I didn’t want to share with everyone until we had that 12 week scan.

Once again, we wanted to have our moment to show a sonogram to tell family and friends.

We are SO EXCITED

We are SO SCARED

We are SO CAUTIOUS

Here’s how it all went down:

After the transfer I was worried, because I didn’t feel any different until the 2nd week. I wasn’t starving, but I was SUPER DUPER EXHAUSTED. I chalked the exhaustion up to being the school play’s director and we had been having longer rehearsals and the show was quickly approaching.

I felt TONS of cramping (and still do). I definitely thought I was getting my period and kept checking every time I went to the bathroom. My mind was playing crazy tricks on me. Every time I thought I might be pregnant, I shot them down. I didn’t want to get my hopes up after the last time. Instead, I went to the negative option. If I was already there, I wouldn’t be so crushed when I got the call.

I was so exhausted one day, I texted my hubby that I was so tired I just wanted to cry. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry my eyes out and fall asleep right at work. Again, we thought it was because of the play.

It was the day before Thanksgiving. It was also show day, and I had to leave my house at 6:01am to get to my clinic at 7:00am for the blood draw. I was hoping I could get in early, but they didn’t get me in until 7:30am. I am supposed to be at work by 7:45am and the clinic is 1/2 hour away. See how complicated that is!? Anyways, the phlebotomist was super friendly and told me how her daughter and I share the same birthday. That had to be good juju, right?? I left and rushed into school to get the kids dressed and ready for our first school performance.

It was nice to be distracted, but every single resting second, I was thinking: Could I be? What if I’m not again? What if I am and we have another miscarriage? Don’t think like that. Think positive. But what if I’m not?

The first performance went well, and then we had a long wait until the next show. I fixed costumes and prepared everything backstage. I had my phone stuck to me like glue. We had 30 minutes until our show, and I still didn’t hear anything. Oh God. This can’t be good. If it were good news, they would have called me by now. Just don’t think about it, you have to get these kids ready. And then the phone rang as I was lining the kids up.

I ran outside while yelling to my coworker I had to take the call. It was my nurse, Jen. I swear to God it took her 20 minutes to tell me. She was talking and talking and I don’t even know what she was saying. She then broke out and screamed CONGRATULATIONS!!! YOU’RE PREGNANT! YOU’RE VERY PREGNANT! Your numbers are strong! They’re at 1,126 !

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!! I was FREAKING OUT AND SHAKING! (It was also freezing out and I ran out without a coat, Ha!)

She said our next step is for me to get more blood work drawn this Saturday and then after that will be our first ultrasound! I couldn’t believe it. I had to rush call my hubby. I didn’t want him waiting and worrying all day!

Hello?

Good News!

Yeah? Yeahhhh????

YEAH!!! I’M PREGNANT!

Oh my God! Oh my God!

I know! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!

My heart was leaping for joy! Now that I knew for sure that I was pregnant, I really felt officially pregnant. This strange tickling/zinging I was feeling is our baby/babies getting cozy in my womb!

Of course my mind can’t stop and will never stop worrying about having another miscarriage. I have to believe that this will be a healthy pregnancy and that everything will go well. We’ve done everything possible to make sure of that.

Also, I know that some of you reading this are reading with hope that you’ll get the BFP soon. I know that some of you just got a BFN, and are angry/sad. I know some of you are just starting your journey and maybe didn’t realize how difficult this whole thing can be. I know some of you are happy for me.

I’ve been there. I’ve felt all of these things. It’s a crazy roller coaster journey. I just hope that I am helping some of you along the way.

-Natalie

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