Warning: My story is sad
I was instructed to stay in bed for 3 days. I was so cozy and comfortable in our room. I watched a lot of TV and read a lot. On the 3rd day I felt INTENSE cramping. I was moaning and breathing heavily. I thought for sure I was about to get my period. It hurt so bad I had to get the heating pad. I labored through the cramping for a good hour, and then it stopped. I put a pad on and waited for my period to come. It never did.
I went back to work on Monday and I felt different. Like super zen. Nothing was stressing me out like usual. I didn’t care. I felt good. I felt light and tingly. Every day after work I would go home and I just HAD TO sleep. I would nap until my husband came home. I was also SUPER hungry. I needed to eat a snack every couple of hours. (I’ve been super hungry with all of my meds, but this was just different. More intense.)
I was so glad I was working at the time. It was nice to have the distraction. All I could think about was whether I was pregnant or not. Every space in my mind was filled with how I was feeling and how everything I was feeling was new. I knew that I was, but I didn’t want to say that and jinx anything. I just waited and waited for my period to come. I mean, it had been 11 years. I was used to the disappointment. I could have taken an at home pregnancy test, but I was too scared.
It was time to go in for blood work to check my hormone levels and to see if I was pregnant. I waited for the phone call and it seemed like it took forever. The next day I went to work and the phone rang with my clinic’s phone number. I was conflicted on whether I should answer it or not during work. What if I wasn’t pregnant? I would be devastated and stuck at work. How would I react? But I knew in my heart that I just felt different. I ran out of the classroom and answered.
“Hello, is this Natalie?”
“Hi well I’m calling about your test. Do you know?”
“Did you check at home?”
“Well, YOU’RE PREGNANT!”
“WHAT!? OH MY GOD WHAT?!”
“YOU’RE PREGNANT, CONGRATULATIONS!”
“OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!”
“Your numbers and levels look great. We will need you to come in for more tests in a few days, OK?”
“Yes, OK. Thank you thank you thank you!”
I WAS PREGNANT!!! I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT! I was shaking. Holy shit! I didn’t know what to do! I had to calmly go back into the classroom. I really wanted to scream and shout to the world that I was PREGNANT! OH. MY. GOD!!!!!!
I got home after work and made a sign for my husband. Congratulations, we’re pregnant! I had Dave Matthews, “You and me Together” playing in the background when he came home. His reaction was amazing! We cried and laughed together. It was unbelievable. We couldn’t believe it! We decided to not tell anyone until the next day. **Remember, everyone knew that we were transferring and having this done because of our GoFundMe page. Everyone asked ALL THE TIME. We basked in our joy and were so over the moon.
My family spreads news like wildfire. I knew that if I told one person, EVERYONE would know within minutes. I didn’t want that. It was OUR news to tell. FOR ONCE we could actually say the words, “WE’RE PREGNANT” out loud! We called my husband’s family first, since it would be their first grand baby. They cried and laughed and couldn’t believe it. Then, we called all of my family. It was SO EXCITING and everyone was so happy to hear the news. I told my two close friends here and my coworker (since I might have morning sickness and we share the same classroom).
I went back to work the next week and I was so giddy and happy. It felt SO GOOD.
Then it happened. I had a miscarriage. Our hearts will never heal. More on this later.